Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
I hate more than anything to fight with my kids! We had the worst morning ever! I need to take Cari's advice from her FB, count to 10 before I do something illegal!
It went something like this. My kids don't have shorts to wear to school. Everything from last year is way too small. I decided to take them to wm to get them a couple of things to get them by till we can go shopping. She is totally impossible to shop with. We butt heads when shopping!! Well, we finally agreed on a couple of things and this morning when it was time to get dressed, it didn't look right, or fit right (even though she tried it on at the store) or feel right. OMG! I know this is payback! But, then since I told the kids that they will be eating at school for the rest of the year, she had a meltdown. I simply don't have the money to keep this up. They have free lunches at school so that's what I decided to do. I had to tell Alli to get in the car this morning or she was grounded after school. I also said things I shouldn't have said. But how can I not say those things when their father tells them "the reason mommy kicked me out is because I don't make enough money for her" total bullshit. That's not the reason. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. Ummm hello!!! I'm so tired of this shit, it's draining me and it's having a negative effect on my kids. They should not have to deal with adult problems. But I told them that we are short this month with $$$ and that we will have to do the best we can. Alli still not happy with this and doesn't understand. Their dad has also told them that they should have money because they get $$ off of my disability money every month. Yes they do, but I use that for bills, food and clothing and extracurricular activities and school expenses and Rx expenses that he doesn't pay 1/2 for and should. So therefor I don't have any extra money this month. I haven't worked because I'm sick and on treatment right now, so no extra $$ coming in there either. I did tell them that I should be getting a lot more money from their dad, but he only pays me a little a month and doesn't help me with the other stuff he should be helping me with. I know I shouldn't have said that, but he keeps lieing to them. He has no idea of what I've had to do to make ends meet. He has no idea how my household works. I want to give them the best and the most out of life, but I can't most of the time. I have signed them up for summer stuff, but am I going to get paid 1/2 for it, ummmm prolly NOT. He doesn't have moeny either. Why is this? He has a girlfriend who has a son and prolly spends that extra money on them, not to mention that he has sold his Buell, where did that money go to? He no longer is responsible for insurance on the kids, that's an extra $500 a month. I'm surprised they weren't wrapped in bubble wrap for clothing for school as they don't have insurance at this moment. What if one of them has an accident and has to go to the ER. Who do you think is going to pay for that? He doesn't have any money!!!
I'm so tired of being made out to be the one who is the bad guy. He needs to keep his stinkin mouth shut and stop talking about it. The only things my kids are worried about is money! I don't talk about him nor do I need to. I'm sorry the kids are going through this, but I made the best decision for my family. I'm not proud of the fact that I'm divorced. I'm also not ashamed or embarrassed either. I have no regrets. I love my kids dearly and wouldn't trade them for the world. I'm only sorry that I married so early on and was in love with the fact of getting married and having what everyone else had! I don't need that anymore! We were engaged 3 months after we met, I wish I would have waited.
Now that I'm dating Bobby for 5 months now, there have been speculations of us getting married. Bobby nor myself have discussed this. He knows that I don't have a plan on getting married for a long time. I'm not making the same mistake a second time. I don't want to get married and later having it end in divorce. I'm happy with where things are in my life. I'm happy with the decision I made last year in ending my marriage. I didn't think it would be a piece of cake or a walk in the !
I'm a damn good mother, but I don't need an award for it either!!! I know what I need to do to keep this house running and I know what my kids need and how to make them happy. Not everyday will be ice cream and sprinkles, but I do the best I can under any circumstances that may come our way.
The final court date for us (hopefully) is tomorrow on Tuesday the 13th at 1:30 and then hopefully there will be more consistency in this divorce!!
It went something like this. My kids don't have shorts to wear to school. Everything from last year is way too small. I decided to take them to wm to get them a couple of things to get them by till we can go shopping. She is totally impossible to shop with. We butt heads when shopping!! Well, we finally agreed on a couple of things and this morning when it was time to get dressed, it didn't look right, or fit right (even though she tried it on at the store) or feel right. OMG! I know this is payback! But, then since I told the kids that they will be eating at school for the rest of the year, she had a meltdown. I simply don't have the money to keep this up. They have free lunches at school so that's what I decided to do. I had to tell Alli to get in the car this morning or she was grounded after school. I also said things I shouldn't have said. But how can I not say those things when their father tells them "the reason mommy kicked me out is because I don't make enough money for her" total bullshit. That's not the reason. The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting a different result. Ummm hello!!! I'm so tired of this shit, it's draining me and it's having a negative effect on my kids. They should not have to deal with adult problems. But I told them that we are short this month with $$$ and that we will have to do the best we can. Alli still not happy with this and doesn't understand. Their dad has also told them that they should have money because they get $$ off of my disability money every month. Yes they do, but I use that for bills, food and clothing and extracurricular activities and school expenses and Rx expenses that he doesn't pay 1/2 for and should. So therefor I don't have any extra money this month. I haven't worked because I'm sick and on treatment right now, so no extra $$ coming in there either. I did tell them that I should be getting a lot more money from their dad, but he only pays me a little a month and doesn't help me with the other stuff he should be helping me with. I know I shouldn't have said that, but he keeps lieing to them. He has no idea of what I've had to do to make ends meet. He has no idea how my household works. I want to give them the best and the most out of life, but I can't most of the time. I have signed them up for summer stuff, but am I going to get paid 1/2 for it, ummmm prolly NOT. He doesn't have moeny either. Why is this? He has a girlfriend who has a son and prolly spends that extra money on them, not to mention that he has sold his Buell, where did that money go to? He no longer is responsible for insurance on the kids, that's an extra $500 a month. I'm surprised they weren't wrapped in bubble wrap for clothing for school as they don't have insurance at this moment. What if one of them has an accident and has to go to the ER. Who do you think is going to pay for that? He doesn't have any money!!!
I'm so tired of being made out to be the one who is the bad guy. He needs to keep his stinkin mouth shut and stop talking about it. The only things my kids are worried about is money! I don't talk about him nor do I need to. I'm sorry the kids are going through this, but I made the best decision for my family. I'm not proud of the fact that I'm divorced. I'm also not ashamed or embarrassed either. I have no regrets. I love my kids dearly and wouldn't trade them for the world. I'm only sorry that I married so early on and was in love with the fact of getting married and having what everyone else had! I don't need that anymore! We were engaged 3 months after we met, I wish I would have waited.
Now that I'm dating Bobby for 5 months now, there have been speculations of us getting married. Bobby nor myself have discussed this. He knows that I don't have a plan on getting married for a long time. I'm not making the same mistake a second time. I don't want to get married and later having it end in divorce. I'm happy with where things are in my life. I'm happy with the decision I made last year in ending my marriage. I didn't think it would be a piece of cake or a walk in the !
I'm a damn good mother, but I don't need an award for it either!!! I know what I need to do to keep this house running and I know what my kids need and how to make them happy. Not everyday will be ice cream and sprinkles, but I do the best I can under any circumstances that may come our way.
The final court date for us (hopefully) is tomorrow on Tuesday the 13th at 1:30 and then hopefully there will be more consistency in this divorce!!
Monday, February 22, 2010
The first 2 months since the "D"
Wow!!! Has it been really 6 months since I last blogged?
So I'm divorced now! As of January 5th. There is a 30 day grace period and in 30 days there is a status hearing, I guess just in case somebody changes their mind. I won't be the one. I went back to the status hearing and since "FH" hasn't talked to his lawyer, I have to wait another 30 freakin days for yet another status hearing! WTF!!!!! Are you kidding me? How busy does a person have to be not to talk to their lawyer? I'm a busy person and yet I still talk to my lawyer!!! I know he doesn't want this divorce, but I do. I want it over with! I know it will never really be over with, but at least legally!!!!!
I had to work on Sunday and told him that I needed him to take the kids for the day. He actually said, "let me check". WTF!!! Check with whom? I know he has a girlfriend, I think, that's what the kids said, but she should not be first before the kids! he actually told me that he can pick them up before church (him going to church is a crock of shit by the way) and then I might have to find someone to work for me. I was opening the store, I don't have people work for me. These are his kids and he has to "check" to see if he can come get them? Just because he's mad at me for leaving him, finally and divorcing him and it's not "his weekend" he won't take the kids for an afternoon. He never just takes the kids for an afternoon. I would think that a great dad, even through a divorce, would be grateful for the opportunity to take his kids when he can. I think he does it to make me mad, and he does it very good. It does piss me off!
So then I get a txt later at work and asks me if he gets to see the kids. REALLY? I said no! If he chooses to not take the kids when I need him to be there for them, then he shouldn't get the opportunity. He had the chance. I feel so sorry for the kids. They already feel him pulling away from them. They so wanted to spend the day with him! Then he txt'd their phone and said he wished they were with him. they are not a convenience for him when he has nothing else to do!
I had to work the other night and I was supposed to be off at 6 and I walked out of the store at 6:23 and as I was walking to the car and on the phone with him to figure out how to get the kids, he drove by the store. WTF (again - must be my favorite saying right now) REALLY? Who does he think he is, a babysitter that if I don't show up at exactly 6, I'm doing something else? So it's 6 and time to clock out for him? These are his kids, not a fucking weekend visit. He needs to grow up and be a father.
the kids told me that he told them he was getting a tattoo of their names on his back or some place like that. UMMMMMM, he owes me child support and he owes it to the kids to be their father. Does it mean that you are a parent when you have your kids' names tattoo'd on yourself? By my definition, he is not worthy to be a father. I know that is a really harsh! I try to get along with him and he actually made me laugh the other day, but of course that didn't last. He is always trying to catch me doing something other than what I'm say I'm doing. I don't pawn my kids off onto someone else. I'm working now because he doesn't give a damn to support his kids. he doesn't even feed them when it's time. He doesn't have money, but yet he can afford to drive to kc all the time and get a fucking tattoo? He goes to church and yet he treats me and the kids this way. I gave him nothing but support for 10 fucking years, and kids even when I'm fucking sick. All he ever did was buy shit and sleep our marriage away. That's how I see it.
I have sooooo much anger and resentment towards him. I wonder when it will ever go away! I don't want to stay angry, but every thing he does makes want to claw his eyes out. I can't even look at him without anger! The shit he put me and the kids through for the past 6 months.
He says he misses them and loves them, then fucking show it! Mason & Alli need a father not a weekend visit! They have 2 homes now, he doesn't make it feel like a home. He has no regard to his smoking around them. When they come home, they smell so bad, even the inside of their backpacks smell like smoke. It upsets them sooo much. They cry when he's not there for them. When he says he is coming to pick them up, they are standing at the door waiting for him. They love him unconditionally, but that love isn't returned. My heart aches and breaks for them.
At least my kids will always know that I'm here for them, no matter what. I will always put them and their needs first before my own. It's reasuring that they know this too.
If I ever decide to get married someday, which will be years from now, I hope that he will be the best stepdad to my kids and treat them and love them as his own. My kids deserve to be loved by a dad, whether it's their biological or stepdad.
So I'm divorced now! As of January 5th. There is a 30 day grace period and in 30 days there is a status hearing, I guess just in case somebody changes their mind. I won't be the one. I went back to the status hearing and since "FH" hasn't talked to his lawyer, I have to wait another 30 freakin days for yet another status hearing! WTF!!!!! Are you kidding me? How busy does a person have to be not to talk to their lawyer? I'm a busy person and yet I still talk to my lawyer!!! I know he doesn't want this divorce, but I do. I want it over with! I know it will never really be over with, but at least legally!!!!!
I had to work on Sunday and told him that I needed him to take the kids for the day. He actually said, "let me check". WTF!!! Check with whom? I know he has a girlfriend, I think, that's what the kids said, but she should not be first before the kids! he actually told me that he can pick them up before church (him going to church is a crock of shit by the way) and then I might have to find someone to work for me. I was opening the store, I don't have people work for me. These are his kids and he has to "check" to see if he can come get them? Just because he's mad at me for leaving him, finally and divorcing him and it's not "his weekend" he won't take the kids for an afternoon. He never just takes the kids for an afternoon. I would think that a great dad, even through a divorce, would be grateful for the opportunity to take his kids when he can. I think he does it to make me mad, and he does it very good. It does piss me off!
So then I get a txt later at work and asks me if he gets to see the kids. REALLY? I said no! If he chooses to not take the kids when I need him to be there for them, then he shouldn't get the opportunity. He had the chance. I feel so sorry for the kids. They already feel him pulling away from them. They so wanted to spend the day with him! Then he txt'd their phone and said he wished they were with him. they are not a convenience for him when he has nothing else to do!
I had to work the other night and I was supposed to be off at 6 and I walked out of the store at 6:23 and as I was walking to the car and on the phone with him to figure out how to get the kids, he drove by the store. WTF (again - must be my favorite saying right now) REALLY? Who does he think he is, a babysitter that if I don't show up at exactly 6, I'm doing something else? So it's 6 and time to clock out for him? These are his kids, not a fucking weekend visit. He needs to grow up and be a father.
the kids told me that he told them he was getting a tattoo of their names on his back or some place like that. UMMMMMM, he owes me child support and he owes it to the kids to be their father. Does it mean that you are a parent when you have your kids' names tattoo'd on yourself? By my definition, he is not worthy to be a father. I know that is a really harsh! I try to get along with him and he actually made me laugh the other day, but of course that didn't last. He is always trying to catch me doing something other than what I'm say I'm doing. I don't pawn my kids off onto someone else. I'm working now because he doesn't give a damn to support his kids. he doesn't even feed them when it's time. He doesn't have money, but yet he can afford to drive to kc all the time and get a fucking tattoo? He goes to church and yet he treats me and the kids this way. I gave him nothing but support for 10 fucking years, and kids even when I'm fucking sick. All he ever did was buy shit and sleep our marriage away. That's how I see it.
I have sooooo much anger and resentment towards him. I wonder when it will ever go away! I don't want to stay angry, but every thing he does makes want to claw his eyes out. I can't even look at him without anger! The shit he put me and the kids through for the past 6 months.
He says he misses them and loves them, then fucking show it! Mason & Alli need a father not a weekend visit! They have 2 homes now, he doesn't make it feel like a home. He has no regard to his smoking around them. When they come home, they smell so bad, even the inside of their backpacks smell like smoke. It upsets them sooo much. They cry when he's not there for them. When he says he is coming to pick them up, they are standing at the door waiting for him. They love him unconditionally, but that love isn't returned. My heart aches and breaks for them.
At least my kids will always know that I'm here for them, no matter what. I will always put them and their needs first before my own. It's reasuring that they know this too.
If I ever decide to get married someday, which will be years from now, I hope that he will be the best stepdad to my kids and treat them and love them as his own. My kids deserve to be loved by a dad, whether it's their biological or stepdad.
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