Yesterday I had a moment of weakness! I'm entitled, I think. I'm supposed to be this strong person with a disease and everyone sees the strong Bree, the warrior, the undefeated. Even the strong have weaknesses. I just broke down yesterday, which is not easy for me to do. I was just sad and angry and feeling helpless because of cf. I have been in so much pain, and it was getting to me. I was crying out to Jesus, begging Him to take away this pain, take away my sadness, take away my infection, to give me the strength that I was missing, to breathe without pain, to yawn without saying ouch loudly every time, to finally sleep laying down and to be comfortable laying down. I want to be back to the Bree everyone knows, smiling, always helpful, always faithful, always positive.
I woke up this morning with less pain and I could breathe more easily. There is no one like our God! He is the strength to the weak. He is the faith to the faithless. God heard my cries yesterday, because He is not done with me yet!!! He allows sufferring so that we come to Him, to need Him more.
Thank you God for rescueing me from my pain, my saddness and my anger! You watch over me, in my darkest hour. You watch over me, to help me see the way before me. You are always faithful, you've never leave me. Never once have you forsaken me. You have held me together, when I have fallen to pieces.
This disease is not easy to have at times. This is the first time I have had pain with an infection before. It was very unbearable at times. Pain meds hardly touched it, but took a little of the edge off.
Thank you to all of you who have been faithful in prayer for my healing. I pray that God will bless you and your families. Thank you for your prayers and thank you for being in my life to help me to go through this so I am not alone.
Love & Peace,
Bree
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
~ Day 4 ~
I woke up to the sound of the transportation person loudly knocking on my door "TRANSPORTATION" here to take you to your x-ray. (7:00am). While en route she left me alone by the elevators to go get a back rub from somebody else in the hallway. WHAT THE! Are you kidding me. um hello!!! That was not cool, lady!!! Some of the transporters are extremely slow a snail could beat us there, or super speedy like they are on a race to see who can deliver as many patients to the place they need to be at.
The funnier thing was when I went to my PFT's, (pulmonary function tests) and I breathed in as much air as I can and then blast it out for as hard as I can and as long as I can. Well while I was doing that, my lungs were so noisy, it sounded like I had a poltergeist coming out of me. I was embarrassed! Maybe I can do poltergeist movies with my new found talent! The results were not my best, just 49 % the first time and then 56% on my last time. I'm usually near 70%. Lung function is declining. "The Bossman" will not let me go home until he is satisfied with those results back around baseline. I will have to repeat it again tomorrow.
At home things are okay. Found out yesterday that Brian also has pneumonia in his right lung. Can we not catch a break around here? The kids are good. I was told that Alli was making her and Mason's lunches before school. Brian is off today to rest.
Spent yesterday with my mom, we both fell asleep.
The funnier thing was when I went to my PFT's, (pulmonary function tests) and I breathed in as much air as I can and then blast it out for as hard as I can and as long as I can. Well while I was doing that, my lungs were so noisy, it sounded like I had a poltergeist coming out of me. I was embarrassed! Maybe I can do poltergeist movies with my new found talent! The results were not my best, just 49 % the first time and then 56% on my last time. I'm usually near 70%. Lung function is declining. "The Bossman" will not let me go home until he is satisfied with those results back around baseline. I will have to repeat it again tomorrow.
At home things are okay. Found out yesterday that Brian also has pneumonia in his right lung. Can we not catch a break around here? The kids are good. I was told that Alli was making her and Mason's lunches before school. Brian is off today to rest.
Spent yesterday with my mom, we both fell asleep.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Club Med
Well here I am, I'm in the club...again. I went to the ER last night because I thought I needed an x-ray and I was in pain so bad that I needed to get it done. My x-ray showed new changes and the ER doc wanted to send me to KU last night. I decided that I would like to sleep in my own bed one more night, I knew I could hold out for one more night. Yes I admit that was very selfish of me, but oh well.
We woke up to the noisy thunderstorms. The power went off at about 7:00, but we still thought the kids had to go to school, so they got dressed by my book light. I fell back asleep and then woke up to my kids voices. Mom came over to check on me and then when she was there, the lights came back on.
We then started the grueling process of getting ready for the ride to KU. It's always a quiet ride, trying to be in a positive mood, but all in all our minds racing with "what if's" and "how long will I stay this time".
Brian slipped on some water while at the dealership this morning and felt a pop in his back. He's now in pain and driving. We finally get to KU and I usually have to wait in admissions for hours, but this time it was only 30 minutes, I get to my room and then Brian thinks he might need to get checked out. So he's in the ER and I have the kids with me. They have to go with me to get an x-ray, but at least we had Drake and Josh to watch all afternoon. Brian finally gets done with ER and seems he has torn more tissue.
You know? When it rains, it pours!!!
"The Boss" came in and talked with me about my diagnosis and most likely it is pneumonia, but with lots of pain this time. I can't even breathe in a big breath, yawn, sniff, or cough without pain. So they wrote for pain meds if I need it. I don't like to take pain meds but I just might have to take some tonight so I can sleep. So far my port is holding up, although it needed some anticlogging stuff so they can draw blood out of it.
Now the kids are gone, my hubby is gone and I'm here with my internet, tv, my big jug of water. I brought movies with me, Twilight (of course), Under the Tuscan Sun, Failure to Launch and The Passion.
I wonder what time the doctors will wake me up in the morning.
We woke up to the noisy thunderstorms. The power went off at about 7:00, but we still thought the kids had to go to school, so they got dressed by my book light. I fell back asleep and then woke up to my kids voices. Mom came over to check on me and then when she was there, the lights came back on.
We then started the grueling process of getting ready for the ride to KU. It's always a quiet ride, trying to be in a positive mood, but all in all our minds racing with "what if's" and "how long will I stay this time".
Brian slipped on some water while at the dealership this morning and felt a pop in his back. He's now in pain and driving. We finally get to KU and I usually have to wait in admissions for hours, but this time it was only 30 minutes, I get to my room and then Brian thinks he might need to get checked out. So he's in the ER and I have the kids with me. They have to go with me to get an x-ray, but at least we had Drake and Josh to watch all afternoon. Brian finally gets done with ER and seems he has torn more tissue.
You know? When it rains, it pours!!!
"The Boss" came in and talked with me about my diagnosis and most likely it is pneumonia, but with lots of pain this time. I can't even breathe in a big breath, yawn, sniff, or cough without pain. So they wrote for pain meds if I need it. I don't like to take pain meds but I just might have to take some tonight so I can sleep. So far my port is holding up, although it needed some anticlogging stuff so they can draw blood out of it.
Now the kids are gone, my hubby is gone and I'm here with my internet, tv, my big jug of water. I brought movies with me, Twilight (of course), Under the Tuscan Sun, Failure to Launch and The Passion.
I wonder what time the doctors will wake me up in the morning.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
OOPS!!
May 6th, 2009
I had a pretty quiet day. I read 1, 2 and 3rd John in the bible, got some house work done and went to the grocery store.
After I picked up the kids from school, all crazyness broke out. We got homework done right away, so we wouldn't have to worry about it later. We spent most of the afternoon outside, the kids played and I did some yard work. As I was walking around the house I noticed someone had written on the side of the house in red marker, it says "I am mister" but no one would admit to it. That started the ignition. I'm also dealing with ants in the kitchen, yuck!!! It's trash night and as I'm tying up a trash bag, I hear yelling from the bathroom. The toilet is overflowing onto the floor all the way to the door. I have a carpeted bathroom!!! not by choice. The house was built with a carpeted bathroom. BiG OOPS!! Since the carpet is still wet and only so few towels to soak up the water, we have to wear shoes when we are in there. At least it wasn't dirty water, if ya know what I mean.
I missed bible study by accident and was reminded this morning as one of the kindergarten teachers is in that study.
Alli can't seem to sleep in her room anymore. She says she doesn't feel safe. We have been talking a lot about stranger danger and we have certain codes for strangers and what not. She seems to be very disturbed by this. So it seems that Brian and I don't even have a bedroom anymore.
I had a pretty quiet day. I read 1, 2 and 3rd John in the bible, got some house work done and went to the grocery store.
After I picked up the kids from school, all crazyness broke out. We got homework done right away, so we wouldn't have to worry about it later. We spent most of the afternoon outside, the kids played and I did some yard work. As I was walking around the house I noticed someone had written on the side of the house in red marker, it says "I am mister" but no one would admit to it. That started the ignition. I'm also dealing with ants in the kitchen, yuck!!! It's trash night and as I'm tying up a trash bag, I hear yelling from the bathroom. The toilet is overflowing onto the floor all the way to the door. I have a carpeted bathroom!!! not by choice. The house was built with a carpeted bathroom. BiG OOPS!! Since the carpet is still wet and only so few towels to soak up the water, we have to wear shoes when we are in there. At least it wasn't dirty water, if ya know what I mean.
I missed bible study by accident and was reminded this morning as one of the kindergarten teachers is in that study.
Alli can't seem to sleep in her room anymore. She says she doesn't feel safe. We have been talking a lot about stranger danger and we have certain codes for strangers and what not. She seems to be very disturbed by this. So it seems that Brian and I don't even have a bedroom anymore.
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